Dungeon of Feelings

I adore you, when you say I'm mad
to see that you care for me
In your muddle of thoughts
Am I so valuable to you
But Where were you till I got insane

How come you get to me, now
To pursue the memories
Hitting me with the volleys of pain
I was not there when you needed me
Here you are at last
Prominent, to me

Why make me have, Those promises that I can't keep
Do you know the pain of being false
To the one whom I care
Putting up the evil smile, crying within the soul
To smile, when I cut through your heart
Knowing the blood flowing on my hands
To feel the guilt flowning in my soul

There in the dungeon of memories
I confined myself to make up to you
I avoided you so far, to let you know I'm sorry
Thinking that I wasn't worthy, trying to get over
This pretty mess I've made, Guilt was friendly to me
Keeping the pains away from me
But it had its price, that no one can refuse to pay
Turned me resilient, into a stone
One day I saw that it was leaving
I was glad it departed, but appalled to see my feelings going away

Then at the moment, came your question
"Have you gone mad" you've startled me once and for again
To be so kind, when all i deserve was to be kept in misery
To be confined in this prison, that I've made myself

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ഒരു കുളിർമഴ

ഭാരമേറിയൊരു മനുസ്സുമായാണ് കഴിഞ്ഞ കുറെ നാളുകളായി അയാൾ എണീറ്റിരുന്നത്. അന്ന് പള്ളിയിൽ വെച്ചു അവളെ ആദ്യമായി കണ്ടപ്പോൾ തോന്നാതിരുന്നത് പിന്നീടെപ്പോഴോ എന്തിനോ വേണ്ടി തോന്നി. ഉറക്കപ്പിച്ചിലിരുന്ന ഒരു ക്ലാസ്സ്മുറിയിൽ കൂട്ടുകാരനോട് പറഞ്ഞൊരു കളിവാക്കിൽ നിന്നാണോ, അതോ ഇതിനെല്ലാമപ്പുറം വിധിയുടെ നിയോഗമാണോ, അതോ തനിക്കു എവിടെയെങ്കിലും വീഴ്ച പറ്റിയതോ. എത്രയൊക്കെ വീഴരുതെന്ന് ഓർത്താലും അതിലേക്ക് ആകർഷിക്കുന്ന മായികമായ ഒരു സൗന്ദര്യം ഈ പ്രണയത്തിനുണ്ടായിരിക്കാം. ഒരിക്കൽ പോലും സംസാരിക്കാതെ എങ്ങനെ ഇത്രെയേറെ ആകർഷിക്കപ്പെട്ടു എന്നു അയാൾ തന്നോട് തന്നെ ചോദിച്ചുകൊണ്ടിരുന്നു. പെട്ടന്നാണ് അയാളുടെ മുമ്പിൽ നിന്നിരുന്ന ക്ലർക്കിനെ അയാൾ ശ്രെദ്ധിച്ചത്. അയാൾ കുറേനേരമായി അവിടെത്തന്നെ നിൽപ്പാണ്. താനാണ് അയാളെ ഒരു ഫയൽ എടുക്കാൻ അയച്ചത്‌. അപ്പോൾ കുറെ നേരമായി താൻ ചിന്തകളിൽ മറഞ്ഞിട്ടു. താൻ അപ്പോൾ ഒരുപാട് കാലം പിന്നിൽ നിന്നാണ് ചിന്തിക്കുന്നത്. ഈ വേദനകൾ തൻറെ കോളേജ് ജീവിതകാലത്തെയാണെന്നു അയാൾക്കു അറിയാമായിരുന്നു. അയാൾ ഒരു ദീര്ഘനിശ്വാസത്തോടെ ആ ഫയലുകൾ മേടിച്ചുവെച്ചു. ഒരു തരത്തിൽ പറഞ്ഞാൽ ഈ ജീവിതമൊരു കുരിശിന്റെ വഴി പോലെയാണെന്ന് അയാ

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